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dm_1977
Joined: 22 Aug 2005
Posts: 2599
Location: Lancashire, UK
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 Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 4:30 pm Post subject: the Love Doctor is in |
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Unlucky in love? Concerns with your relationship? Looking for Mr/Mrs Right in all the wrong places? Then post here and share your woes to the one man who can help... the LOVE DOCTOR.
Disclaimer: not a real Doctor.
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"Love. What is it? Most natural painkiller there is. LOVE." - william s burroughs - |
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ste
Joined: 25 Jan 2005
Posts: 5808
Location: LIVERPOOL
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| Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 8:55 pm Post subject: |
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Have you got healing hands....you dirrrrrrrrrrrty old man...... 
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"children you've still got a lot to fucking learn" |
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dm_1977
Joined: 22 Aug 2005
Posts: 2599
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 9:02 pm Post subject: |
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The Love Doctor writes:
"The service I offer clients is one based on trust and respect and a willingness not only to listen carefully and attentively to their problems, but to offer them advice and information that is specific to them which I have learned through my many and long years of experience.
Okay there was that ONE TIME, but as I keep saying, SHE made inappropriate advances on ME."
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"Love. What is it? Most natural painkiller there is. LOVE." - william s burroughs - |
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gassjack
Joined: 16 Jan 2005
Posts: 8655
Location: Waiting at the station for a train to ruination
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 12:04 am Post subject: |
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Ste is in love with himself - is there anything that can be done?
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'Let me tell you the truth. The truth is what is, and what should be is a fantasy. A terrible, terrible lie that someone gave to the people long ago.' Lenny Bruce |
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Richard
Joined: 03 Apr 2006
Posts: 4817
Location: Craggy Island
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 2:54 am Post subject: |
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I can see this becoming a place for many of my moanings in the future.
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| falleneditorsarekillers wrote: |
| Unless Richard's confused this thread with the 'not-cheerful' thread again, I'd say 'cheerful'. |
| lordshadows490 wrote: |
| Richard, you're a genius. Enough said. |
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lordshadows490
Joined: 07 Jun 2009
Posts: 652
Location: -Trapped in one of my drawings-
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 3:06 am Post subject: |
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| dm_1977 wrote: |
| Okay there was that ONE TIME, but as I keep saying, SHE made inappropriate advances on ME." |
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.........................I've got a million things to say......................... |
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dm_1977
Joined: 22 Aug 2005
Posts: 2599
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 9:35 am Post subject: |
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| gassjack wrote: |
| Ste is in love with himself - is there anything that can be done? |
I asked The Love Doctor to answer this one but he was laughing so much it was hard to get anything sensible out of him. He just kept thumping his desk and said he'd tell me when I was old enough.
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"Love. What is it? Most natural painkiller there is. LOVE." - william s burroughs - |
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dm_1977
Joined: 22 Aug 2005
Posts: 2599
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 9:36 am Post subject: |
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| lordshadows490 wrote: |
| dm_1977 wrote: |
| Okay there was that ONE TIME, but as I keep saying, SHE made inappropriate advances on ME." |
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Ah, no sorry, you need the Rolling Eyes Optomotrist, not the Love Doctor. All the Love Doctor can help with is Love. And paternity suits.
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"Love. What is it? Most natural painkiller there is. LOVE." - william s burroughs - |
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dm_1977
Joined: 22 Aug 2005
Posts: 2599
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 9:38 am Post subject: |
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| Richard wrote: |
| I can see this becoming a place for many of my moanings in the future. |
The Love Doctor writes: "I look forward to being able to assist you and steer you towards the path of recovery in the future. My secretary is cleaning the reception area and putting out the little plate of biscuits as I speak, I mean type."
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"Love. What is it? Most natural painkiller there is. LOVE." - william s burroughs - |
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ste
Joined: 25 Jan 2005
Posts: 5808
Location: LIVERPOOL
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 10:03 am Post subject: |
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| gassjack wrote: |
| Ste is in love with himself - is there anything that can be done? |
.....I'm in "lust" with myself Peter....get it right queenie....  
Dear David....sorry...Love Doctor...  ...I am petrified by that most pernicious of nouns..."committment" and sadly find myself buried deep in the shame of notching up hundreds of names of strangers on my Victorian wooden four poster bed....what can be done for a poor, misguided and shallow fool like me....
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"children you've still got a lot to fucking learn" |
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Richard
Joined: 03 Apr 2006
Posts: 4817
Location: Craggy Island
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 11:08 am Post subject: |
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| dm_1977 wrote: |
| Richard wrote: |
| I can see this becoming a place for many of my moanings in the future. |
The Love Doctor writes: "I look forward to being able to assist you and steer you towards the path of recovery in the future." |
Well, I dont!  Look forward to being miserable I mean.
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| falleneditorsarekillers wrote: |
| Unless Richard's confused this thread with the 'not-cheerful' thread again, I'd say 'cheerful'. |
| lordshadows490 wrote: |
| Richard, you're a genius. Enough said. |
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dm_1977
Joined: 22 Aug 2005
Posts: 2599
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 11:09 am Post subject: |
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| ste wrote: |
| I am petrified by that most pernicious of nouns..."committment" and sadly find myself buried deep in the shame of notching up hundreds of names of strangers on my Victorian wooden four poster bed....what can be done for a poor, misguided and shallow fool like me.... |
The Love Doctor writes:
"This is a common problem and you are by no means alone. However, I can assist you. The clues to solving your problem comes with the very words you use.
'Noun' - a naming word, not a doing word (according to my huge textbook 'Baby's First Book Of Grammar'). This implies you are afraid of 'doing'. Despite the slang use of the word, you are actually afraid of the things one usually ends up 'doing' in a relationship - 'doing' the washing-up, 'doing' the cleaning, etc.
'Buried' and 'deep' - you let things get on top of you too easily and so back off from the slightest pressure at the first opportunity. This results in what we learned experts call 'Love 'Em and Leave 'Em' syndrome. All very well for a young chap sowing his wild oats but quite unbecoming in a gentleman of your advanced years.
'Victorian wooden four poster bed' - this suggest to me that you are obsessed with Victorian wooden four poster beds. Also, the 'Victorian' part is especially important here, as it says quite clearly that, in bedding conquest after conquest, you are rebelling against a strict ('Victorian') upbringing. However, this very rebellion is costing you your own happiness.
Therefore, to rid yourself of this complex, I recommend the following:
1) For one whole day, speak using nothing but verbs
2) Force yourself to do one thing you would ordinarily back out of doing, such as attend a concert by your least favourite classical violinist. You can force yourself to do this by, for example, paying a man (perhaps a colleague or close family friend) to go away with all your clothes, informing him to return with your garments at the concert's end, so that you will not be able to leave through sheer embarrassment.
3) Buy a memory foam mattress.
I feel certain that this will cure you of your problem. There is no need tro thank me. I am only doing my job."
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"Love. What is it? Most natural painkiller there is. LOVE." - william s burroughs - |
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ste
Joined: 25 Jan 2005
Posts: 5808
Location: LIVERPOOL
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 11:21 am Post subject: |
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What tremendous insight you have Love Doctor.....I'm off this very minute to gallop and frolic in the early Spring sun and bathe naked in the frosty lush grass of my local park whilst listening to Vivaldi and drinking Pimms....
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"children you've still got a lot to fucking learn" |
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Troopek
Joined: 22 Dec 2009
Posts: 78
Location: Tennessee, US
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:06 pm Post subject: |
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I would be curious to see your Love Dr. degree or a list of qualifications. 
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08.02.10 - San Francisco
11.02.10 - Los Angeles
20.02.10 - Philadelphia |
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dm_1977
Joined: 22 Aug 2005
Posts: 2599
Location: Lancashire, UK
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| Posted: Thu Mar 11, 2010 7:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Troopek wrote: |
| I would be curious to see your Love Dr. degree or a list of qualifications. |
The Love Doctor writes:
"I would be only too happy to show you my proffessional degrees. My secretary Grace has them hung up in the recepetion area of my consultation clinic, and polishes them regularly. They proudly display the fact that I graduated from several universities as a consulting psychologist, psychiatrist, marriage guidance councellor and cognitive behavioural therapist. However, when the degrees were being given out there was an unforeseen problem that day with the parchments and the Deans of the univerisities were all unable to sign them - this is why they may APPEAR to have been printed off on an office copier and handsigned by someone with a wobbly Biro. However, you have my - and all my happy clients' - assurance that they are in fact entirely genuine."
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"Love. What is it? Most natural painkiller there is. LOVE." - william s burroughs - |
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